The way water sits still in a glass and holds its shape, that’s how I dance. Luckily for you, I am now offering FREE refills.
Tag: cat meme
When math and English have sex, the baby is Algebra. I’m just glad I’m not the father, but to be honest, I was a little concerned.
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Sleeping should be an Olympic sport. I’m not a very good sleeper now, but in four years, training 18-20 hours a day, I just might be World Champion. Do I have the work ethic to train that hard and sleep that long? Ask my Statistics 101 professor.
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Did I say BearPaw Duck Farm was now offering FREE refills on coffee? I meant SwimmingBird Soup. Still, if you have a Helen Keller palate and an opaque thermos, it’s just as jolting.
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People always ask me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm makes the BEST SwimmingBird Soup. So, what’s the secret ingredient?” Simple: Swimming. You don’t have to be Michael Phelps to figure that out.
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I’m not a misanthrope. No, really, I do like people. Cats are people, right?
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They say there are 12 steps to quitting something. But what if that something is playing with a Slinky? Seems like you should be able to quit playing with a Slinky using no steps.
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If you are wise in your own eyes, then you are Helen Keller. I’ll bet you also think you’re a good listener.
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People often mistake my extreme athleticism for laziness. They think my cat and I are simply taking a nap, but they don’t realize we are training in the sport known as Cuddling. The only way you get to be World Cuddling Champions is if you train for hours and hours every day.
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Lies come in all sorts of flavors, while The Truth is always vanilla. However, while you can get a lie in any flavor you’d like, it is always camouflaged poison.
