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Tag: cat meme

The funeral business is the only one with no repeat customers. Though you only die once, why not buy your own funeral from me twice? My Buy One Funeral, Get One FREE deal only applies the second time you purchase a custom Death Party.

2021/07/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You know those orange construction cones they put out on the highway when doing road work? I’d like to serve you ice cream in one of those cones, and I’d like for that ice cream to be duck-soup flavored.

2021/07/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You left too early last night. If only you’d have stayed another ten minutes, you’d have gotten to enjoy my dazzling saxophone solo. I’m sure my enraptured audience forgot that they were at a party and thought they were in an elevator.

2021/06/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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At BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm, we don’t tell you what to do with your money. Except, of course, spend it all on us. If shopping is your hobby, we have what you want, because we sell the experience of frivolity.

2021/06/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I also love Fat Donny, but the guy is a misnomer, because he is NOT fat. I need to take him to an all-you-can-eat buffet.

2021/06/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m a Starbucks coffee connoisseur. You know I’m an expert, because I can’t distinguish between their java and muddy duck water.

2021/05/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The way Bitcoin tanks, you’d think it was a War Machine. Of course, that’s ridiculous, because if it had rolling treads and a swiveling cannon, it would be more peaceful. If you’re looking for the investment of The Future, try raising farm animals.

2021/05/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’ve been playing the piano since I was six years old. When I finish practicing tonight, in nine minutes, I will have put in a collective three hours mastering this instrument. If you’ve got a bowl full of Asian noodles, I’ve got the Chopsticks.

2021/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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At BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm, we believe the only thing that separates meatloaf from birthday cake is candles. Since they both have the same great flavor, why don’t you buy a slab for your next celebration?

2021/03/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I love the sound of fall leaves crunching under my feet as I walk on them. But wait, those are potato chips, my football helmet is full of nacho cheese, and this is winter. Shop #BearPawDuckAndMemeFarm for a smorgasbord of assorted tasty ear treats.

2021/02/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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  • This song will be playing at all the hottest clubs from South Beach to Ibiza, and it will come to define Summer 2022. Babies will be made to this song.
  • McDonald’s makes my grandma’s leftover meatloaf look fresh. She died in 1999.
  • If I wrote a dictionary, would you read it? What if I made it flow like a Nicholas Sparks romance novel?
  • If you are what you eat, then this morning I am nothing. But at least I’m awake, because I’m drinking coffee and I don’t watch mainstream news.
  • If a library has no books, it’s just an empty building, and people would know there had been a heist. But if you burn the library after you loot it, then it’s not a robbery, it’s a loss that won’t be looked for or pursued.
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