Why miss a sale at twenty dollars, when people will buy at $19.95? You lose a nickel, but consumers lose their shit. They may not externalize it, but their excitement shows up at the cashless register.

2019/03/102019/03/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A broken clock is right twice a day—and that makes NOW the perfect time to buy one, because now when you Buy One Broken Clock, You Get FREE Fake Space! I buy Factory Direct from NASA, so you know my inventory is FRESH.

2019/03/072019/03/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

If you’re a sneakerhead, you’d have to have meatloaf for brains to not buy out my whole shoe collection, and if you buy the entire contents of my fridge, I’ll even toss in a FREE bottle of ketchup!

2019/02/282019/02/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Have you ever drank Liquid Cuddles? If you think it’s absurd, wait until I tell you about the SALE! 49 bottles of Liquid Cuddles for the price of ONE! Yes, that’s 50 bottles for ONLY $19.95!

2019/02/252019/02/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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What reason could you possibly have for not buying this GIF? You might say, “Because it’s worthless.” And to that I’d reply, “So are fiat currencies, including The Dollar.” Sounds like an even trade to me.

2019/02/202019/02/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Buying dollars with dollars at a one-to-one ratio may be a waste of time, but at least it’s not a waste of fake money. Get them while they’re still crispy!

2019/02/102019/02/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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This is one SALE you don’t want to miss. Wendell will be gone, and I have a key, so everything MUST go! Especially the globe. That piece of #FakeNews is included FREE if you take out the trash.

2019/01/312019/01/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

By shopping on Amazon, you may save money today, but you’ll pay for it in the future. By not buying local, your discounted purchase comes at the cost of Mom and Pop Shops struggling to survive, and when they are all gone, so is your town.

2019/01/292019/01/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When people ask me who I voted for, I always say, “Mom and Pop!” That’s because I believe in voting with my wallet, so as much as possible I shop local over global.

2019/01/252019/01/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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For a limited time, I’m offering everything FOR SALE – and some of it is even mine. If Wendell asks where his coffee went, tell him it went for a walk. (Oh, that reminds me: I also sell an exotic pet sauntering service, so your Cuddle Fluid of choice gets its exercise.)

2019/01/232019/01/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: buy

Why miss a sale at twenty dollars, when people will buy at $19.95? You lose a nickel, but consumers lose their shit. They may not externalize it, but their excitement shows up at the cashless register.

Like this:

A broken clock is right twice a day—and that makes NOW the perfect time to buy one, because now when you Buy One Broken Clock, You Get FREE Fake Space! I buy Factory Direct from NASA, so you know my inventory is FRESH.

Like this:

If you’re a sneakerhead, you’d have to have meatloaf for brains to not buy out my whole shoe collection, and if you buy the entire contents of my fridge, I’ll even toss in a FREE bottle of ketchup!

Like this:

Have you ever drank Liquid Cuddles? If you think it’s absurd, wait until I tell you about the SALE! 49 bottles of Liquid Cuddles for the price of ONE! Yes, that’s 50 bottles for ONLY $19.95!

Like this:

What reason could you possibly have for not buying this GIF? You might say, “Because it’s worthless.” And to that I’d reply, “So are fiat currencies, including The Dollar.” Sounds like an even trade to me.

Like this:

Buying dollars with dollars at a one-to-one ratio may be a waste of time, but at least it’s not a waste of fake money. Get them while they’re still crispy!

Like this:

This is one SALE you don’t want to miss. Wendell will be gone, and I have a key, so everything MUST go! Especially the globe. That piece of #FakeNews is included FREE if you take out the trash.

Like this:

By shopping on Amazon, you may save money today, but you’ll pay for it in the future. By not buying local, your discounted purchase comes at the cost of Mom and Pop Shops struggling to survive, and when they are all gone, so is your town.

Like this:

When people ask me who I voted for, I always say, “Mom and Pop!” That’s because I believe in voting with my wallet, so as much as possible I shop local over global.

Like this:

For a limited time, I’m offering everything FOR SALE – and some of it is even mine. If Wendell asks where his coffee went, tell him it went for a walk. (Oh, that reminds me: I also sell an exotic pet sauntering service, so your Cuddle Fluid of choice gets its exercise.)

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