It’s not that I don’t like buying things, it’s that I don’t like paying. But if you’re going to waste your money, you may as well spend it on me.

2021/03/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

BearPaw Duck Farm’s omelets are for people with nut allergies. They don’t contain nuts, but you’d have to be nuts to not BUY one.

2020/11/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

This GIF doubles as an air freshener. It smells like watery duck poop.

2020/11/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!

2020/09/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

My only note for Branson’s Anthems of Rock is what I tell potential buyers at my Tupperware Parties: You can never have too much Meatloaf. It makes such perfect Leftovers that a whole show could be done from the classic love ballad that’s beloved by fans of all hearing ranges.

2020/09/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

At The Branson Craft Mall, the cover band was instrumental in getting me to hum along during dinner. The lead singer reminded me of myself—if I were a woman, attractive, and were actually musical.

2020/08/232020/08/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you sell the same thing as your competitor, then what people are really buying is into you as a brand. Use memes to show you’re a real person, even if you’re a solar-powered AI robot.

2020/08/232020/08/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Here today, gone tomorrow—is that a reference to the value of a fiat currency like the dollar? Buy things that buy things, and don’t save things that don’t buy things.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I may dance like two-thirds of the bottom half of a piano, but that doesn’t mean you can buy my Romantic Moves. However, they are FOR RENT at Truck Stop Diner Prices.

2020/03/292020/03/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

For you, the buyer, the best part about FREE refills is the price. Now ONLY $19.95! (Plus shipping and fondling.)

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: buy

It’s not that I don’t like buying things, it’s that I don’t like paying. But if you’re going to waste your money, you may as well spend it on me.

Like this:

BearPaw Duck Farm’s omelets are for people with nut allergies. They don’t contain nuts, but you’d have to be nuts to not BUY one.

Like this:

This GIF doubles as an air freshener. It smells like watery duck poop.

Like this:

My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!

Like this:

My only note for Branson’s Anthems of Rock is what I tell potential buyers at my Tupperware Parties: You can never have too much Meatloaf. It makes such perfect Leftovers that a whole show could be done from the classic love ballad that’s beloved by fans of all hearing ranges.

Like this:

At The Branson Craft Mall, the cover band was instrumental in getting me to hum along during dinner. The lead singer reminded me of myself—if I were a woman, attractive, and were actually musical.

Like this:

If you sell the same thing as your competitor, then what people are really buying is into you as a brand. Use memes to show you’re a real person, even if you’re a solar-powered AI robot.

Like this:

Here today, gone tomorrow—is that a reference to the value of a fiat currency like the dollar? Buy things that buy things, and don’t save things that don’t buy things.

Like this:

I may dance like two-thirds of the bottom half of a piano, but that doesn’t mean you can buy my Romantic Moves. However, they are FOR RENT at Truck Stop Diner Prices.

Like this:

For you, the buyer, the best part about FREE refills is the price. Now ONLY $19.95! (Plus shipping and fondling.)

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