Tag: buy
In my Warehouse of Romance I specialize in selling only two precious items: Love and Leftover Meatloaf. Both are vintage 1980s, so get them while they’re still cold.
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I’m a born salesman. In fact, I was born earlier than the doctor expected, so before my mom and I left the hospital I was able successfully haggle down the price of the whole process, getting it discounted by the amount of time I saved by appearing before my scheduled arrival.
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Why miss a sale at twenty dollars, when people will buy at $19.95? You lose a nickel, but consumers lose their shit. They may not externalize it, but their excitement shows up at the cashless register.
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A broken clock is right twice a day—and that makes NOW the perfect time to buy one, because now when you Buy One Broken Clock, You Get FREE Fake Space! I buy Factory Direct from NASA, so you know my inventory is FRESH.
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If you’re a sneakerhead, you’d have to have meatloaf for brains to not buy out my whole shoe collection, and if you buy the entire contents of my fridge, I’ll even toss in a FREE bottle of ketchup!
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Have you ever drank Liquid Cuddles? If you think it’s absurd, wait until I tell you about the SALE! 49 bottles of Liquid Cuddles for the price of ONE! Yes, that’s 50 bottles for ONLY $19.95!
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What reason could you possibly have for not buying this GIF? You might say, “Because it’s worthless.” And to that I’d reply, “So are fiat currencies, including The Dollar.” Sounds like an even trade to me.
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Buying dollars with dollars at a one-to-one ratio may be a waste of time, but at least it’s not a waste of fake money. Get them while they’re still crispy!
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This is one SALE you don’t want to miss. Wendell will be gone, and I have a key, so everything MUST go! Especially the globe. That piece of #FakeNews is included FREE if you take out the trash.
