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Tag: branson missouri

People from Kansas drive as slow as corn grows. They think just as quickly, too, and I recommend a conversation with a tourist from there as a natural sleep remedy.

2022/01/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Why aren’t my shows SOLD OUT? What octogenarian wouldn’t want to hear the songs of his youth?

2021/12/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I just invented a way to put the smooth sounds of a saxophone directly into a trumpet—with little or minimal rusting. When you listen to my music, just close your eyes, because your mind is about to take a romantic trip—inside of a mental elevator.

2021/09/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I just obtained a few more ounces of silver. I don’t look at it as buying the moon-like precious metal. I see it as getting FREE wealth, because I’m trading something that has no value for something of real worth.

2021/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Branson, Missouri has always had an employment problem. They like to pay as close to zero as they can, and when nobody applies, do they raise wages? No, they import third-world labor.

2021/08/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I also love Fat Donny, but the guy is a misnomer, because he is NOT fat. I need to take him to an all-you-can-eat buffet.

2021/06/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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With the giant octopus-shaped aquarium, Branson finally has its second iconic architectural building based on an animal. The first, of course, is The Great American Steak and Chicken House, which features a cock so large that even John Holmes would be impressed.

2021/05/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I love Branson’s new aquarium. Has anybody else actually eaten at this sushi restaurant?

2021/05/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m wearing my Star + Ving T-shirt to a buffet. When it’s all-you-can-eat, I don’t just show up hungry. I show up starving.

2021/05/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’ve been playing the piano since I was six years old. When I finish practicing tonight, in nine minutes, I will have put in a collective three hours mastering this instrument. If you’ve got a bowl full of Asian noodles, I’ve got the Chopsticks.

2021/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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