The best part about taking a two-week vacation in Branson is you’ll spend 12 of the 14 days stuck behind one Buick from Kansas driving as fast as a push lawnmower.

2019/05/142019/05/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If Branson’s tourism strategy is to attract the fattest, oldest, dumbest, and cheapest visitors, then I’d say they are executing flawlessly. Too bad repeat business is a problem due to poverty and death in that particular demographic.

2019/05/132019/05/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Powerlines, they’ve been ruining landscape photography ever since Edison didn’t listen to Tesla. Probably.

2019/04/132019/04/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Many elderly waterfalls move to Branson to retire, and if you decide to adopt a Snuggly Splash Factory, you need to buy adequate aqua equipment to properly care for these gurgling geriatrics.

2019/03/272019/03/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Branson is the kind of town where they’ll try to sell you an umbrella when it’s raining, to keep you dry, and if it’s sunny they’ll also try to sell you an umbrella, to keep you cool. But why buy from them, when my umbrellas are now Buy 11, Get One FREE?

2019/03/272019/03/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Hasn’t anybody told you it’s not polite to stare at nakedness? Not unless you’ve paid the Entrance Fee, which is ONLY $19.95, and then you’re free to ogle.

2019/03/262019/03/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I dance like I play the piano, and by that I mean when you watch my feet move you’d think I have 88 fingers. If you want to be a better lover, there’s a book for that, and I wrote it. You can read it, for ONLY $19.95.

2019/03/182019/03/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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All my Karate Hands come with a lifetime guarantee, in that they will end the life if your opponent guaranteed.

2019/03/172019/03/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I could go to Starbucks, but why buy what homeless people excrete on the streets of San Francisco for FREE?

2019/03/162019/03/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I spoke with the world’s leading heart specialist, Dr. Corazonamor, and he told me that no blood flows through my Love Pump, but that my body’s circulatory system is pulsing entirely with coffee.

2019/03/022019/03/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: branson missouri

The best part about taking a two-week vacation in Branson is you’ll spend 12 of the 14 days stuck behind one Buick from Kansas driving as fast as a push lawnmower.

Like this:

If Branson’s tourism strategy is to attract the fattest, oldest, dumbest, and cheapest visitors, then I’d say they are executing flawlessly. Too bad repeat business is a problem due to poverty and death in that particular demographic.

Like this:

Powerlines, they’ve been ruining landscape photography ever since Edison didn’t listen to Tesla. Probably.

Like this:

Many elderly waterfalls move to Branson to retire, and if you decide to adopt a Snuggly Splash Factory, you need to buy adequate aqua equipment to properly care for these gurgling geriatrics.

Like this:

Branson is the kind of town where they’ll try to sell you an umbrella when it’s raining, to keep you dry, and if it’s sunny they’ll also try to sell you an umbrella, to keep you cool. But why buy from them, when my umbrellas are now Buy 11, Get One FREE?

Like this:

Hasn’t anybody told you it’s not polite to stare at nakedness? Not unless you’ve paid the Entrance Fee, which is ONLY $19.95, and then you’re free to ogle.

Like this:

I dance like I play the piano, and by that I mean when you watch my feet move you’d think I have 88 fingers. If you want to be a better lover, there’s a book for that, and I wrote it. You can read it, for ONLY $19.95.

Like this:

All my Karate Hands come with a lifetime guarantee, in that they will end the life if your opponent guaranteed.

Like this:

I could go to Starbucks, but why buy what homeless people excrete on the streets of San Francisco for FREE?

Like this:

I spoke with the world’s leading heart specialist, Dr. Corazonamor, and he told me that no blood flows through my Love Pump, but that my body’s circulatory system is pulsing entirely with coffee.

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