I only call my new cologne The Scent of Silent Slaughter, and it only smells like bug killer, but it is in fact no more deadly than voting. (Try it on pancakes!)

2019/12/282019/12/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Fish-scented toothpaste that tastes like birds would be a SwimFly experience best sold in squeeze tubes. And if it had an afterflavor of Leftover Meatloaf, then it might have the essence of every Family Reunion I’ve never attended.

2019/10/022019/10/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Why would you put the word dollar in your store? That’s a great way to continuously devalue your brand until it reaches its natural resting state—zero.

2019/03/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

At the height of my future media empire, I want my business to occupy a thirteen-story building. The Top Twelve stories will be pure fiction.

2019/01/282019/01/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

In this Land of Monetary Inflation, how do you think McDonald’s can sell their meat so cheaply? And why do you think their restaurants smell like a morgue?

2019/01/022019/01/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

When McDonald’s brags about serving billions and billions of people, I get disgusted, because that kind of cannibalism shouldn’t be a selling point for customers to continue paying for the opportunity to eat people.

2018/12/282018/12/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I want my coffee shop to wake up both your mind and your soul, and an innovative and immersive experience involving inspiration through a real time stream of relevant hashtags will make my Caffeine Distribution Operation worthy of being named Woke.

2018/09/202018/09/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

One of my goals is to open a #coffee shop,

2018/08/292018/08/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy36

and it’s a good thing nobody in #HarrisonArkansas has any clue about #branding or #marketing like they do up in #Branson, because this would offer some serious competition. It’s good though, and I encourage it. #Harrison can keep napping, because the less branding and marketing the local businesses do, the more of the customers I’ll snatch away with #InfluencerMarketing, #Meme Marketing, and the production of #DankMemes. What these local comatose businesses don’t realize is that today, every business is a brand and media company, and a business’ Instagram feed should be entertaining, and not an endless scroll of trite shit FOR SALE. Because nobody gives a rat’s ass. They want to be informed and entertained, and not be told to buy random trinkets in their FREE time.

Danny’s Coffee may be cold and old, but that doesn’t mean it’s not FOR SALE. Danny doesn’t know what he’s missing! Seriously, Danny has no idea I swiped his coffee, so all of it can be yours today! It’s just one haggle away!

2018/08/232018/08/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

You are nothing more than a collection of your thoughts and actions, but only one of those two things is visible to the world, so make sure you are transparent with your intentions.

2018/02/132018/02/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Tag: branding

I only call my new cologne The Scent of Silent Slaughter, and it only smells like bug killer, but it is in fact no more deadly than voting. (Try it on pancakes!)

Like this:

Fish-scented toothpaste that tastes like birds would be a SwimFly experience best sold in squeeze tubes. And if it had an afterflavor of Leftover Meatloaf, then it might have the essence of every Family Reunion I’ve never attended.

Like this:

Why would you put the word dollar in your store? That’s a great way to continuously devalue your brand until it reaches its natural resting state—zero.

Like this:

At the height of my future media empire, I want my business to occupy a thirteen-story building. The Top Twelve stories will be pure fiction.

Like this:

In this Land of Monetary Inflation, how do you think McDonald’s can sell their meat so cheaply? And why do you think their restaurants smell like a morgue?

Like this:

When McDonald’s brags about serving billions and billions of people, I get disgusted, because that kind of cannibalism shouldn’t be a selling point for customers to continue paying for the opportunity to eat people.

Like this:

One of my goals is to open a #coffee shop,

Like this:

Danny’s Coffee may be cold and old, but that doesn’t mean it’s not FOR SALE. Danny doesn’t know what he’s missing! Seriously, Danny has no idea I swiped his coffee, so all of it can be yours today! It’s just one haggle away!

Like this:

You are nothing more than a collection of your thoughts and actions, but only one of those two things is visible to the world, so make sure you are transparent with your intentions.

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