Tag: books
My fried chicken is made from locally sourced materials, including, but not limited to: Formaldehyde, pink sludge, and perfume (to preserve that back-of-the-fridge stink, for the nostalgia factor).
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My skills and resources are scarce, so be sure to book my services before all the pages are filled up and it’s FOR SALE in paperback format on Amazon for $19.95.
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I dance like I play the piano, and by that I mean when you watch my feet move you’d think I have 88 fingers. If you want to be a better lover, there’s a book for that, and I wrote it. You can read it, for ONLY $19.95.
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I snuck a peak at the opening line of Jeremy’s Romance Novel, and it reads thus: “Our hero’s name is Jarod, and women want to be with him, men want to be him, and genderfluids want him to drink them.”
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When I write my autobiography, it will be a cookbook called “4,321 Ways To Eat Leftover Meatloaf.” The only two unifying elements, besides the Leftover Meatloaf, will the blindfold and the clothespin, to plug your nose. The book’s suggested retail price will be $19.95.
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Cheddar plus toast is grilled cheese, and money plus burnt bread is now ON SALE! Also, sometimes I get the words penis and obelisk mixed up.
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2019 seems to be the year that men becoming women produces yawns induced by boredom. When men start transitioning into cats, wake me up, because it’s not like I don’t already self-identify as one.
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People say romance is dead. I refuse to believe that, because I never got the opportunity to sell it a handcrafted coffin.
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I used to be a Donut Hustler, but then I realized it would be easier to be an author and sell ONE MILLION books than ONE MILLION donuts, because I only have to do the work once. So far I’ve sold one book. (Thanks, mom!)
