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Love now, not later. Also, love later.

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Tag: birthday

When I was a child, I wanted to be a cowboy. But now that I am grown, I want to be a cowman.

2020/09/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Everything is better when flavored with Love. That’s why my prices are so high!

2020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It just so happens that my birthday is on a national holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.

2019/08/052019/08/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The problem with a birthday for twins is what you get one, you have to get the other. But what about triplets? The collapse of Building 7 may not look like the Twin Towers, but its father is still Israel.

2019/07/312019/07/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Orange you glad I came up with 33 different ways to use up the last of the Leftover Meatloaf that came included FREE when you bought my old fridge? My favorite is Number 3, because if you shower in the dark like I do, then old meatloaf feels exactly like a crusty sponge.

2019/04/102019/04/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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  • The way water sits still in a glass and holds its shape, that’s how I dance. Luckily for you, I am now offering FREE refills.
  • Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.
  • No matter where you drive in this country, you end up in Clown World. That’s why I make my car go honk, honk.
  • Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?
  • Here at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, I’ve sold more T-shirts than I have eggs. That’s because I’ve sold ONE T-shirt. I know, because I bought it myself. I guess I am a pretty savvy businessman.
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