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Love now, not later. Also, love later.

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Do you enjoy being out in nature? By 2030, when you’re living in your 20 by 30 cement stacked box in the city, you’ll probably be able to rent walks in the park for ONLY $19.95 per month.

2022/11/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you like java, furniture, and literature, then you’ll love coffee table books. Why don’t you try mine? It comes with FREE refills.

2022/07/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you are what you eat, then this morning I am nothing. But at least I’m awake, because I’m drinking coffee and I don’t watch mainstream news.

2022/02/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It’s quite likely that I just wrote the BEST book full of duck quotes in existence. It’s also true that it’s probably the ONLY book of duck quotes, but so what? I’m still number ONE, and in my book, that’s worthy of a gold medal.

2021/01/022021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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No, I’m not calling YOUR book boring. YOUR book is amazing, and I can’t wait to start reading it. Is it available in video format?

2020/12/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When you act NOW, you also receive a FREE copy of my newest book: “How to put out riot fires with your naked body.” The book itself is burnable, and should altogether be banned by The Government.

2020/06/122020/06/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Duck eggs—the energy drink in a shell. Now available in an assortment of flavors that can be easily digitized and uploaded to The Cloud, to be later enjoyed through your eyes and ears.

2020/05/092020/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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In my book, love is all there is in this world. If you agree, that book retails for $19.95 and does come with a FREE slice of Leftover Meatloaf, which makes a tasty bookmark.

2019/11/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you vote, you’re not only NOT a moron in my book, but you’re also a hero. I think you’d like my book. It retails for $19.95, but for a warrior like you I’d be willing to let you have it for ONLY $19.95.

2019/11/182019/11/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My advice to novice writers is to just keep writing. I mean look at me, I’ve been writing for over a decade, and I’ve already written four sentences. So, yeah, I’m prolific.

2019/04/212019/04/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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  • Here’s an idea: You blame me and I’ll blame you. Then we can both join Howard Jones in singing, “No one is to blame.”
  • Everyone is getting crazier. And poorer. Which is making everyone even crazier.
  • I once wrote a 100,000-word book. But don’t worry, I managed to edit it down to just over one million words.
  • A hundred dollars used to have value. Now it has grown fat and worthless. Or has it grown so skinny as to be useless?
  • If I were the world’s richest man, I’d present myself as the world’s poorest, because I’d want people to want me for me. In fact, I’m so poor I want to be Guinness verified as The World’s Poorest—and I’m even willing to pay for the title (a bribe).
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