Why would you buy a canvas that’s painted entirely black from some other artist, when I’m selling one painted midnight blue? My creative innovation will save you $19.95.

2021/06/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.

2021/01/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Rembrandt painted portraits, The Karate Kid painted fences, and I paint my ducks’ beaks a brighter orange to boost sales. But I’m not a snob—I still consider those other two guys to also be artists.

2021/01/022021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I dance like both my shoes are nailed to the wall. It goes way beyond mere performance and into the realm of art. I am the Rodin of the music world.

2020/10/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

As a portrait artist, I’m the best at handling chopsticks while drawing, and for ONLY $19.95 I can draw you in such a way that no matter what you look like, you’ll resemble Rasputin. You’ll also look like a love letter, so you’ll have the essence of romance.

2019/04/152019/04/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Of all the things I can draw, I’m best at drawing a blank. But this only happens when someone asks me why we need Central Banksters.

2019/04/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My skills and resources are scarce, so be sure to book my services before all the pages are filled up and it’s FOR SALE in paperback format on Amazon for $19.95.

2019/03/202019/03/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m also offering Painting Classes. Paint like a master by painting over masterpieces. Improve on The Mona Lisa by adding a mustache, you creative genius. $19.95 per session.

2019/02/032019/02/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The Art of The Sale is all about hiding your brush strokes. In that regard, I am a Renaissance Master. Sign up for my class: “How To Sell Like da Vinci Painted,” and if you register within the next ten minutes, you’ll pay ONLY $19.95.

2019/01/272019/01/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I learned to draw the old-fashioned way—while not paying attention in math class. Let me teach you the art born of boredom and distraction.

2019/01/262019/01/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: artist

Why would you buy a canvas that’s painted entirely black from some other artist, when I’m selling one painted midnight blue? My creative innovation will save you $19.95.

Like this:

Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.

Like this:

Rembrandt painted portraits, The Karate Kid painted fences, and I paint my ducks’ beaks a brighter orange to boost sales. But I’m not a snob—I still consider those other two guys to also be artists.

Like this:

I dance like both my shoes are nailed to the wall. It goes way beyond mere performance and into the realm of art. I am the Rodin of the music world.

Like this:

As a portrait artist, I’m the best at handling chopsticks while drawing, and for ONLY $19.95 I can draw you in such a way that no matter what you look like, you’ll resemble Rasputin. You’ll also look like a love letter, so you’ll have the essence of romance.

Like this:

Of all the things I can draw, I’m best at drawing a blank. But this only happens when someone asks me why we need Central Banksters.

Like this:

My skills and resources are scarce, so be sure to book my services before all the pages are filled up and it’s FOR SALE in paperback format on Amazon for $19.95.

Like this:

I’m also offering Painting Classes. Paint like a master by painting over masterpieces. Improve on The Mona Lisa by adding a mustache, you creative genius. $19.95 per session.

Like this:

The Art of The Sale is all about hiding your brush strokes. In that regard, I am a Renaissance Master. Sign up for my class: “How To Sell Like da Vinci Painted,” and if you register within the next ten minutes, you’ll pay ONLY $19.95.

Like this:

I learned to draw the old-fashioned way—while not paying attention in math class. Let me teach you the art born of boredom and distraction.

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