If I were actually going to sell love, the best way to do it would be to give away FREE samples, because the more I gave away, the more I’d get in return and the more I’d have to sell.

2019/04/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The reason I write music with one note occurring every 24 hours is that slow dancing is a lost art, and I’m trying to bring it back at an almost inaudible pace. Concert tickets $19.95 each, or two for $39.90.

2019/04/162019/04/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If I could, I’d work 24 hours a day. And by work I mean sleep, because I’m all about that Hustle Life.

2019/04/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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As a portrait artist, I’m the best at handling chopsticks while drawing, and for ONLY $19.95 I can draw you in such a way that no matter what you look like, you’ll resemble Rasputin. You’ll also look like a love letter, so you’ll have the essence of romance.

2019/04/152019/04/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My #BreathFilledAndFueled Candle Flames are 100% H2O proof. This incredible, inflatable, waterproof fire also comes in hat-shapes, and makes a great toupee for your balding redheaded lover, because that particular model is Ron Howard scented, and can be yours for ONLY $19.95.

2019/04/142019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Funerals are so expensive these days that if I should die, don’t buy me a coffin, just bury me in a Tupperware Container and leave me in the back of the fridge with the Leftover Meatloaf.

2019/04/142019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Mistaken identity happens all the time. One time I was mistaken for my own twin, and he never existed, so it really made me question who I am as a person, and ponder if I’m really here or if here is really there and I’m just lost.

2019/04/142019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you were to write the most romantic piece of literature imaginable, it would look exactly like our tax code. All eight trillion pages.

2019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Communication is paramount in a relationship, and body language may be the most important form of talking. Perhaps I got divorced because I can’t take a picture without making a really serious face.

2019/04/142019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you don’t quit tricking me, I’m warning you, I’m gonna keep on voting for you until you regret making me look like a fool!

2019/04/142019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: absurd

If I were actually going to sell love, the best way to do it would be to give away FREE samples, because the more I gave away, the more I’d get in return and the more I’d have to sell.

Like this:

The reason I write music with one note occurring every 24 hours is that slow dancing is a lost art, and I’m trying to bring it back at an almost inaudible pace. Concert tickets $19.95 each, or two for $39.90.

Like this:

If I could, I’d work 24 hours a day. And by work I mean sleep, because I’m all about that Hustle Life.

Like this:

As a portrait artist, I’m the best at handling chopsticks while drawing, and for ONLY $19.95 I can draw you in such a way that no matter what you look like, you’ll resemble Rasputin. You’ll also look like a love letter, so you’ll have the essence of romance.

Like this:

My #BreathFilledAndFueled Candle Flames are 100% H2O proof. This incredible, inflatable, waterproof fire also comes in hat-shapes, and makes a great toupee for your balding redheaded lover, because that particular model is Ron Howard scented, and can be yours for ONLY $19.95.

Like this:

Funerals are so expensive these days that if I should die, don’t buy me a coffin, just bury me in a Tupperware Container and leave me in the back of the fridge with the Leftover Meatloaf.

Like this:

Mistaken identity happens all the time. One time I was mistaken for my own twin, and he never existed, so it really made me question who I am as a person, and ponder if I’m really here or if here is really there and I’m just lost.

Like this:

If you were to write the most romantic piece of literature imaginable, it would look exactly like our tax code. All eight trillion pages.

Like this:

Communication is paramount in a relationship, and body language may be the most important form of talking. Perhaps I got divorced because I can’t take a picture without making a really serious face.

Like this:

If you don’t quit tricking me, I’m warning you, I’m gonna keep on voting for you until you regret making me look like a fool!

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