Hey, put away your gun. Don’t shoot me. I’m just the messenger. I’m like your friendly neighborhood Post Office Driver, except instead of delivering junk mail, I deal in dank memes.

2020/09/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Gravy is my favorite sports drink. Try chugging it the next time you run so far your legs feel like mashed potatoes.

2020/09/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Being the fastest man to run while remaining seated comes with perks. Right now, I have three sponsorship options. Nike, of course, La-Z-Boy, naturally, and the third group that wants to pay me is The National Association of Handicapped Parking Space Painters.

2020/09/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!

2020/09/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I make love like I make coffee. Actually, Jo made it for me today, twice, which is why it was so good, and why it costs me two bucks. But at least she gave me FREE refills. For a good time, visit Precision Coffee.

2020/09/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I drink every ounce of beer like it’s a liquid gold coin. Craig at Cheeky Monkey made me feel like a Swiss vault—and at piggybank prices.

2020/09/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I’m such a good dancer that I make marble statues look fluid. The only thing I do with more enthusiasm is VOTE.

2020/09/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I make my memes so spicy that I’ve got Popeyes calling me asking me for my recipe. I’ve got to make them hot, because I’m trying to sell mayonnaise.

2020/09/062020/09/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Nothing like a little controversy and conspiracy to drum up interest in a business. Speaking of drums, I’m starting a band, and Branson, Missouri—The Musician will be playing keytar.

2020/08/262020/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Music comes in through your ears, invisibly. But it’s tough to sell the invisible, so I devised a way to alchemize music from the purely audible into something you can taste. And for ONLY $19.95 I’m selling the whole dining experience. Visit my kiosk at The Branson Landing.

2020/08/262020/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-22

Tag: absurd

Hey, put away your gun. Don’t shoot me. I’m just the messenger. I’m like your friendly neighborhood Post Office Driver, except instead of delivering junk mail, I deal in dank memes.

Like this:

Gravy is my favorite sports drink. Try chugging it the next time you run so far your legs feel like mashed potatoes.

Like this:

My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!

Like this:

I make love like I make coffee. Actually, Jo made it for me today, twice, which is why it was so good, and why it costs me two bucks. But at least she gave me FREE refills. For a good time, visit Precision Coffee.

Like this:

I drink every ounce of beer like it’s a liquid gold coin. Craig at Cheeky Monkey made me feel like a Swiss vault—and at piggybank prices.

Like this:

I’m such a good dancer that I make marble statues look fluid. The only thing I do with more enthusiasm is VOTE.

Like this:

I make my memes so spicy that I’ve got Popeyes calling me asking me for my recipe. I’ve got to make them hot, because I’m trying to sell mayonnaise.

Like this:

Nothing like a little controversy and conspiracy to drum up interest in a business. Speaking of drums, I’m starting a band, and Branson, Missouri—The Musician will be playing keytar.

Like this:

Music comes in through your ears, invisibly. But it’s tough to sell the invisible, so I devised a way to alchemize music from the purely audible into something you can taste. And for ONLY $19.95 I’m selling the whole dining experience. Visit my kiosk at The Branson Landing.

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