Tag: absurd
A cloud with a stick affixed would make the ultimate umbrella. It’s the kind of thing I’d love to sell to midwestern farmers visiting Branson, tourists eager to spend all their government subsidy money.
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Orville, Clive, Stuart, Ambrose, Thaddeus, Landon, Jaxson, Colton, Ayden, Kingston, Duke, Nathaniel, Wesley, Blake, Preston, Colt, Arthur, & Remington all told me it would be better to be shot by a Yankee than to give my heart to you, but I was Helen Keller to their sound advice.
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My advice is more or less common sense: Sell more and sell less. Sell more quality, and sell less quantity. How many “I Love Branson” t-shirts do you really need? I’m asking because I only have 333 left in stock, but that should be good enough to get you through next week.
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People tell me I dance like my legs are on fire, and I let them, because they paid me $19.95 to learn how to rhythmically move like Armageddon. Also, none of the flames were injured in the making of this video.
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In my book, love is all there is in this world. If you agree, that book retails for $19.95 and does come with a FREE slice of Leftover Meatloaf, which makes a tasty bookmark.
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If you vote, you’re not only NOT a moron in my book, but you’re also a hero. I think you’d like my book. It retails for $19.95, but for a warrior like you I’d be willing to let you have it for ONLY $19.95.
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Much like The Circus, politics is serious. It’s no laughing matter. If you don’t vote, some dead guy in Chicago will do it for you—twice.
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The stock market is at all-time highs, and we as Americans owe a record amount of money to The International Banksters. That can only mean one thing: It’s time to put on your red MAGA yarmulke and celebrate our good fortune. We did it, fam!
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When I asked him about money, he melted like a piece of chocolate wrapped as a gold coin, and I never eat those things, for fear that they taste like Fake Money. Would you eat something that was flavored like fiat currency?
