Did you even know the saxophone could make farm noises? You know I’m a genius jazz performer because it sounds like I haven’t played an instrument ever before.

2021/06/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

At BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm, we don’t tell you what to do with your money. Except, of course, spend it all on us. If shopping is your hobby, we have what you want, because we sell the experience of frivolity.

2021/06/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

My pool may be empty, but I’m not going to cry about it, unless I use my tears to fill it up. If you’re not too busy, maybe you could help me. If you just think about all your failures, this thing should be overflowing in no time.

2021/06/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

There is a party tomorrow night. You should go. Oh, by the way, you’re not invited. Neither am I. That’s why you should tell me how it is, detailing the whole evening and event in a notebook that I’ll later read and relive while I sip coffee in bed.

2021/06/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Pele popularized the bicycle kick, but I created the unicycle kick. It’s like the bicycle kick, only it requires more balance and one less wheel. It’s best viewed when the scent of freshly cut grass is on the breeze, and soft jazz saxophone is playing in the background.

2021/06/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I now offer a vegan menu option for all those eaters whose stomachs are bigger than their brains. Order your meatless duck today and enjoy the wonderful flavor of soy.

2021/06/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

With the giant octopus-shaped aquarium, Branson finally has its second iconic architectural building based on an animal. The first, of course, is The Great American Steak and Chicken House, which features a cock so large that even John Holmes would be impressed.

2021/05/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I love Branson’s new aquarium. Has anybody else actually eaten at this sushi restaurant?

2021/05/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm isn’t just good at customer service, we’re #1! It’s true, and I bought a trophy to prove it. Think about that next time you feel like complaining about us putting your phone call on hold for four hours.

2021/05/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

On a Sleepy to Coffee Scale, right now I’m Pure Insomnia. I’m talking about Alaska at midnight kind of awake.

2021/05/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Tag: absurd

Did you even know the saxophone could make farm noises? You know I’m a genius jazz performer because it sounds like I haven’t played an instrument ever before.

Like this:

At BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm, we don’t tell you what to do with your money. Except, of course, spend it all on us. If shopping is your hobby, we have what you want, because we sell the experience of frivolity.

Like this:

My pool may be empty, but I’m not going to cry about it, unless I use my tears to fill it up. If you’re not too busy, maybe you could help me. If you just think about all your failures, this thing should be overflowing in no time.

Like this:

There is a party tomorrow night. You should go. Oh, by the way, you’re not invited. Neither am I. That’s why you should tell me how it is, detailing the whole evening and event in a notebook that I’ll later read and relive while I sip coffee in bed.

Like this:

Pele popularized the bicycle kick, but I created the unicycle kick. It’s like the bicycle kick, only it requires more balance and one less wheel. It’s best viewed when the scent of freshly cut grass is on the breeze, and soft jazz saxophone is playing in the background.

Like this:

I now offer a vegan menu option for all those eaters whose stomachs are bigger than their brains. Order your meatless duck today and enjoy the wonderful flavor of soy.

Like this:

With the giant octopus-shaped aquarium, Branson finally has its second iconic architectural building based on an animal. The first, of course, is The Great American Steak and Chicken House, which features a cock so large that even John Holmes would be impressed.

Like this:

I love Branson’s new aquarium. Has anybody else actually eaten at this sushi restaurant?

Like this:

BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm isn’t just good at customer service, we’re #1! It’s true, and I bought a trophy to prove it. Think about that next time you feel like complaining about us putting your phone call on hold for four hours.

Like this:

On a Sleepy to Coffee Scale, right now I’m Pure Insomnia. I’m talking about Alaska at midnight kind of awake.

Like this:

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