Water in a picture is a good visual of how my love flows for you, because it does and it doesn’t flow—both at the same time. I guess it all depends on how you look at it—and if you’re a paid-up subscriber.

2019/08/162019/08/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The easiest way to get three people to agree on one thing is if those three people are all one person. That’s my kind of teamwork.

2019/08/142019/08/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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We’re all trying to save something. You’re trying to save Mother Earth from certain death, and I’m trying to save money. Your BOLD action can solve both goals. It’s never been more affordable to be a hero.

2019/08/132019/08/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I think his book would make a great movie, so long as it was a silent film. I think blind people would enjoy it.

2019/08/062019/08/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Before a fire enters a house, it never asks itself, “Is the front door locked? Should I first knock?” And because it’s so rude, that’s why I never invite it to barbeques.

2019/08/062019/08/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The problem with a birthday for twins is what you get one, you have to get the other. But what about triplets? The collapse of Building 7 may not look like the Twin Towers, but its father is still Israel.

2019/07/312019/07/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You don’t have to be a gumshoe, or have gum on your shoe, to appreciate my Israel did 9/11-flavored gum, but once you experience this INCREDIBLE taste, you’ll want to start investigating The Truth.

2019/07/302019/07/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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In descending order, these are my favorite milkshake flavors: Mint chocolate chip, caramel, strawberry, and Israel did 9/11.

2019/07/272019/07/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Even if you had acne scar pits like the lunar surface, NASA couldn’t land on your face. But I’d still like to see Ryan Gosling try, so you should probably buy my movie ticket or else I’m just gonna sneak in the theater after you pay.

2019/07/262019/07/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once planted a garden of love in my heart, of which the flowers looked like roses mixed with butterflies, and I’m sad my feelings for you evaporated, because I could easily sell bouquets of our romance for $19.95.

2019/07/212019/07/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: absurd

Water in a picture is a good visual of how my love flows for you, because it does and it doesn’t flow—both at the same time. I guess it all depends on how you look at it—and if you’re a paid-up subscriber.

Like this:

The easiest way to get three people to agree on one thing is if those three people are all one person. That’s my kind of teamwork.

Like this:

We’re all trying to save something. You’re trying to save Mother Earth from certain death, and I’m trying to save money. Your BOLD action can solve both goals. It’s never been more affordable to be a hero.

Like this:

I think his book would make a great movie, so long as it was a silent film. I think blind people would enjoy it.

Like this:

Before a fire enters a house, it never asks itself, “Is the front door locked? Should I first knock?” And because it’s so rude, that’s why I never invite it to barbeques.

Like this:

The problem with a birthday for twins is what you get one, you have to get the other. But what about triplets? The collapse of Building 7 may not look like the Twin Towers, but its father is still Israel.

Like this:

You don’t have to be a gumshoe, or have gum on your shoe, to appreciate my Israel did 9/11-flavored gum, but once you experience this INCREDIBLE taste, you’ll want to start investigating The Truth.

Like this:

In descending order, these are my favorite milkshake flavors: Mint chocolate chip, caramel, strawberry, and Israel did 9/11.

Like this:

Even if you had acne scar pits like the lunar surface, NASA couldn’t land on your face. But I’d still like to see Ryan Gosling try, so you should probably buy my movie ticket or else I’m just gonna sneak in the theater after you pay.

Like this:

I once planted a garden of love in my heart, of which the flowers looked like roses mixed with butterflies, and I’m sad my feelings for you evaporated, because I could easily sell bouquets of our romance for $19.95.

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