The secret ingredient that makes duck soup tasty is swimming. That’s what gives it that fresh flavor.

2022/06/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Sometimes my kitchen sink doubles as a duck pond. Problem is, I can’t exactly move my diving board, so I have to relocate Greg Louganis Hour to another slot, like one on the toaster.

2022/06/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

You cannot buy what’s not for sale. But for a limited time, you can purchase what may or may not exist.

2022/01/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Fans of my writing often say, “Jarod, you write such romantic words! Why isn’t more of your poetry featured above truck stop urinals all along I-95?” The answer is I don’t know, but I’m humbled by the praise.

2021/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Did you know Helen Keller was blind, deaf, and mute? OK, but did you know she taught herself how to read and write using only Alphabet Soup?

2021/10/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

It used to be that one dollar a month would feed a starving African child. But thanks to inflation, I guess they are now back to hunting and gathering—you know, the pursuit of kangz.

2021/10/022021/10/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

When you hear my sales pitch, I want you to pretend you are Babe Ruth. I’ll pretend to be Peyton Manning, the greatest sports broadcaster of all insurance commercial actors.

2021/09/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Is mathematics the language of the universe? 8 333 7260190482 2539321 22 3579512864 413314. But I could be wrong.

2021/09/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

It’s too bad GIFs are silent, because I recorded some original saxophone music to accompany this masterpiece. It sounds like ducks quacking on the moon, and if you’ve got an empty elevator that needs space to be filled, it’s now FOR SALE.

2021/09/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

OK fine, I’ll be your Jared Leto. In return, all you need to do is cash this million-dollar check from a recently deceased prince, and advance me the proceeds, minus 10 percent for facilitating the financial transaction. That’s right, YOU get to keep $100,000 for almost no work.

2021/09/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Tag: absurd

The secret ingredient that makes duck soup tasty is swimming. That’s what gives it that fresh flavor.

Like this:

Sometimes my kitchen sink doubles as a duck pond. Problem is, I can’t exactly move my diving board, so I have to relocate Greg Louganis Hour to another slot, like one on the toaster.

Like this:

You cannot buy what’s not for sale. But for a limited time, you can purchase what may or may not exist.

Like this:

Fans of my writing often say, “Jarod, you write such romantic words! Why isn’t more of your poetry featured above truck stop urinals all along I-95?” The answer is I don’t know, but I’m humbled by the praise.

Like this:

Did you know Helen Keller was blind, deaf, and mute? OK, but did you know she taught herself how to read and write using only Alphabet Soup?

Like this:

It used to be that one dollar a month would feed a starving African child. But thanks to inflation, I guess they are now back to hunting and gathering—you know, the pursuit of kangz.

Like this:

When you hear my sales pitch, I want you to pretend you are Babe Ruth. I’ll pretend to be Peyton Manning, the greatest sports broadcaster of all insurance commercial actors.

Like this:

Is mathematics the language of the universe? 8 333 7260190482 2539321 22 3579512864 413314. But I could be wrong.

Like this:

It’s too bad GIFs are silent, because I recorded some original saxophone music to accompany this masterpiece. It sounds like ducks quacking on the moon, and if you’ve got an empty elevator that needs space to be filled, it’s now FOR SALE.

Like this:

OK fine, I’ll be your Jared Leto. In return, all you need to do is cash this million-dollar check from a recently deceased prince, and advance me the proceeds, minus 10 percent for facilitating the financial transaction. That’s right, YOU get to keep $100,000 for almost no work.

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