This is my first concert on grass. The only other time it happened was when I stood in a pasture clapping for Celine Dion for 45 minutes, before a farmer informed me that I was spooking his horse.

2019/06/012019/06/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-4

I just wrote a Romance Novel using only a toothpick and some soot from a chimney in an old Victorian mansion. The Woman fell in love with The Hero when she asked him what he liked on his pizza, and he replied, “Israel did 9/11.” As far as toppings go, nothing tops that.

2019/06/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy

Right now I’m selling tornado-flavored ice cream at Buy One get 99 FREE for ONLY $19.95! (Offer not valid for residents of Oklahoma, Kansas, or Nebraska.)

2019/05/302019/05/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-13

When I sell a Karate Chop, I never give a handshake to seal the deal, because I don’t give out FREE samples of the deadliest product in all of Clown World.

2019/05/302019/05/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-12

I hate the endless wars of Clown World, but I must admit that I like fishing for swimming sunsets. Makes me wish I had Leftover Meatloaf for brains, so I could vote and cheer on my favorite political team (out of two possible choices).

2019/05/212019/05/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-10

The best part about taking a two-week vacation in Branson is you’ll spend 12 of the 14 days stuck behind one Buick from Kansas driving as fast as a push lawnmower.

2019/05/142019/05/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-9

This #ad is #sponsored by The Piano Movers Association of America, and NOT by Absolut Vodka, because they won’t return my calls or respond to my demands to be paid for services rendered.

2019/05/102019/05/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-6

If you want to watch me perform, I’ll be at The Blue Green Turquoise Lounge. Ask for Denise. You’ll know she’s Denise because her nametag will say “Susan,” and she’ll be wearing a yellow leather sofa and a coffee table with FREE refills.

2019/05/082019/05/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-5

The key to riding a horse is making the horse think it’s in control, and you do that by giving it an Academy Award for Erin Brockovich.

2019/05/032019/05/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-3

This is an innovative class, because you pay me $19.95, and in return I teach you nothing. But in doing so, I teach you everything, so I think it’s a deal and you’ll really get your money’s worth. Sign up today!

2019/05/012019/05/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy

Tag: absurd

This is my first concert on grass. The only other time it happened was when I stood in a pasture clapping for Celine Dion for 45 minutes, before a farmer informed me that I was spooking his horse.

Like this:

I just wrote a Romance Novel using only a toothpick and some soot from a chimney in an old Victorian mansion. The Woman fell in love with The Hero when she asked him what he liked on his pizza, and he replied, “Israel did 9/11.” As far as toppings go, nothing tops that.

Like this:

Right now I’m selling tornado-flavored ice cream at Buy One get 99 FREE for ONLY $19.95! (Offer not valid for residents of Oklahoma, Kansas, or Nebraska.)

Like this:

When I sell a Karate Chop, I never give a handshake to seal the deal, because I don’t give out FREE samples of the deadliest product in all of Clown World.

Like this:

I hate the endless wars of Clown World, but I must admit that I like fishing for swimming sunsets. Makes me wish I had Leftover Meatloaf for brains, so I could vote and cheer on my favorite political team (out of two possible choices).

Like this:

The best part about taking a two-week vacation in Branson is you’ll spend 12 of the 14 days stuck behind one Buick from Kansas driving as fast as a push lawnmower.

Like this:

This #ad is #sponsored by The Piano Movers Association of America, and NOT by Absolut Vodka, because they won’t return my calls or respond to my demands to be paid for services rendered.

Like this:

If you want to watch me perform, I’ll be at The Blue Green Turquoise Lounge. Ask for Denise. You’ll know she’s Denise because her nametag will say “Susan,” and she’ll be wearing a yellow leather sofa and a coffee table with FREE refills.

Like this:

The key to riding a horse is making the horse think it’s in control, and you do that by giving it an Academy Award for Erin Brockovich.

Like this:

This is an innovative class, because you pay me $19.95, and in return I teach you nothing. But in doing so, I teach you everything, so I think it’s a deal and you’ll really get your money’s worth. Sign up today!

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: