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Tag: absurd memes

You’ll taste the pow of black powder like a gunshot in your mouth. That’s the kind of explosive flavor provided by my powerful Duck Soup.

2021/01/072021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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No live bats are injured in the making of my Duck Soup. To mimic the flavor of FlyingMouse, I use black powdered CaveBird of the variety that used to be shoved inside of muskets to make them fire.

2021/01/072021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When math and English have sex, the baby is Algebra. I’m just glad I’m not the father, but to be honest, I was a little concerned.

2021/01/062021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My cousin doesn’t know my name, so he calls me Marie The 13th. I told him, “Please, call me Mr. The 13th. Marie is my father’s name.” Family reunions are always awkward because nobody there is related to me. Still, I give them all discounts on BearPaw Duck Farm omelets.

2020/12/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Even if you had acne scar pits like the lunar surface, NASA couldn’t land on your face. But I’d still like to see Ryan Gosling try, so you should probably buy my movie ticket or else I’m just gonna sneak in the theater after you pay.

2019/07/262019/07/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A broken clock is right twice a day—and that makes NOW the perfect time to buy one, because now when you Buy One Broken Clock, You Get FREE Fake Space! I buy Factory Direct from NASA, so you know my inventory is FRESH.

2019/03/072019/03/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You can afford to sell at 50% off when you have a whole warehouse full of the stuff, like I do.

2019/02/192019/02/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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People jealous of my dad bod would be even more envious to know that I don’t even train to maintain my slovenly appearance. My slob look is all natural. The only thing I train for is Election Day, my Olympics, where I vote so hard I literally save America. You’re welcome.

2018/11/042018/11/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I also took my pet shoes for a walk, but I didn’t wear them on my feet, because I’m not that kind of monster. No, I’m an entirely different kind of monster, the kind that wears a Bigfoot costume and is FOR HIRE, if you are a serious documentarian.

2018/10/152018/10/15 jarodkintz11 Comment

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Follow me on Twitter

My Tweets

Recent Posts

  • Here at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, I’ve sold more T-shirts than I have eggs. That’s because I’ve sold ONE T-shirt. I know, because I bought it myself. I guess I am a pretty savvy businessman.
  • The key to dancing is to do it without music. Whoever first paired dancing and music together was an absolute lunatic, and would have been more useful to society if squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste. Nine out of ten dentists agree with me.
  • It’s like my good friend Elon Musk said, “If you don’t shop at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, you’ll wish you were born as a hologram, because I’m going to Mars to be with other beings of light, so go buy a Tesla and starve.”
  • BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm now offers FREE refills on T-shirts. Buy one shirt, and fill it as many times as you’d like.
  • Look up BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm. We’re in The Phone Book. I know, because I actually found a copy and scribbled our contact information inside. Business is about to go the way of NASA’s 1986 Challenger rocket.
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