152 thoughts on “Contact Me

      1. Same here! I was actually looking for a Forensics piece the first time I saw you. I do not understand why you’re not famous yet. I LOVE all of your quotes! I have a friend who would adore your book! I’m hoping to get it for her. You, sir, are amazing.

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    1. Thank you, Sabrina πŸ™‚ haha while I do love Bukowski, I’d say my inspiration was always more absurd humor, like Monty Python and Gary Larson. haha I love those guys.

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      1. That’s awesome! I am currently into an intensive fiction class right now, but am much more prone to non-fiction. Do you like Poetry?

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  1. β€œI’m a logician. No matter how wrong I am, I can always convince myself I am right” I found and used this quote for an essay (don’t worry, I referenced you) but I was just wondering what the context of the situation was when you said this? Or was it just something you came up with?

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  2. I don’t really know how I stumbled upon your work but I’ve been reading many of your quotes and have laughed out loud quite a few times. I like your humor. I think I’m gonna have to go pick up one of your books. πŸ™‚

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      1. Hi Jarod, I appear to be in the same position as Kiara, I was reading some quotes and yours kept coming up, I’m totally loving them, thanks. I don’t suppose if I emailed you, could you please send me a book too? It doesn’t have to be the newest one.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Jarod…i was looking for some quotes on Cryptozoology…your quote on the topic was the first thing that popped out…Thanks so much…i am using it in my Research Paper i have to do for school…don’t worry…i will cite you!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

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  4. β€œI want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.”

    I was looking for a quote on “time” – yours doesn’t help me much, but it did make me laugh.

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  5. Hi Jarod,

    I was looking quotes for my web site and I found your quote. then I open your website and read many more. really good want to read your books. I am from India.

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  6. Hi.. Jarod.. I dont know how I found you. May be I was searching for some quotes and I stumbled on to you. Your quotes are awesome and then I fell in love with you. Ha Ha.. I know that is really ridiculous.. and this is the first time i have said that. I want to read your books but unfortunately in my place your books are not available. I am just heart broken now.

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  7. you have the best quotes.They’re hilarious!My favorite is the one about Alexander the great and Julius Caesar, it kills me every time I read it! .

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  8. Hey, I really liked U!
    I was searching for COOL quotes about sales, I need them for my elections at AIESEC, and I saw that U dominate everywhere.
    Your sales quotes, and not only, are quite interesting, funny, I’m glad to find U…. :DD

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  9. You are so funny it’s ridiculous, do have a darker side that drinks heavy and hates women because if so I may love you.

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  10. “If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”
    Used it on someone. Well, guess what? It worked for me !!
    I am indebted.
    Looking forward to reading your books !

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  11. I really all your quotes! It’s so funny and so good! So I don’t know abt you so can I get your books in India

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  12. I really like all your quotes! It’s so funny and so good! So I don’t know abt you much but wanna know!

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  13. I was looking for Quotes on time..that s how i found you..:-) thank you for sharing your thoughts. Brilliant, you put in words what i can t. All the best for you!

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  14. Jarod you humour is wet like a desert!
    Have you told Cleese you’ve moved his cheese?
    Seriously have you spoken with John or any other Python?

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  15. Hey Handsome-

    Self publishing is great and all, but so are editors. Your fortune telling brick bit reads “Call know, as supplies are limited.” Which very well could be intentional. Maybe you’d like the call itself to be knowledgeable.

    You know what else is great? (Aside from my limited word pool) Mike & Ike have boxes of Cherri and Bubb, which is exactly what you think it is. A box o’ bliss. You’re welcome.

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    1. Hi Whitney!

      haha I can’t actually remember if I intended to use know instead of now, as I was referencing knowledge. But I went ahead and made the change, because you are a good editor πŸ™‚

      Thanks for the Mike and Ike tip!

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  16. Contrarious Jarod,

    Are you single and can your tongue tie a cherry stem into a knot?

    Discovered you reading quotes about Time and your madness is intoxicating. I paid full price for your book on amazon. First time I’ve ever done that and thank for you being you.

    Your fan
    Lindsay

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  17. Hey just stumbled upon a quote of yours and looked you up. I like you. I am only young (quite) but I know what good writing is, and this is it. I write but because I am young I aren’t all that good, but someday I hope to be. If you have any tips for me I would really love that. You really are amazing.

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    1. Hi Holly! Thanks for writing to me. I guess my only advice for becoming a better writer is just to keep reading and keep writing πŸ™‚ Have fun with your writing!

      Like

  18. Loved your quotes on goodreads and was a little weirded out when I realized you have an English degree from UF too (that I’m guessing you received relatively recently too, I graduated in 2011)…we might have even had a class together….such a small world we live in!

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  19. I often wonder how people could say things that would greatly affect you yet some won’t even understand them? You seem like a very intelligent man. So why is it that some are so blessed but totally unworthy and some so talented yet never given a chance. πŸ™‚ -sao esguerra

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      1. Haha that’s not really convincing and seem unbelievable to me… but thanks anyway. πŸ™‚

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      1. Oh care to double this role? Sorry, I’m stalking you. But if you are serious about it, just reply and we shall get this snowball rolling and hatin, patrolling they trying catch me ridin dirtyyy. K. Sorry. Bye. *tentative smile*

        Like

  20. Hi! Im writing an english essay and I have used your quote and need to make sure I fully reference it. Is it okay if you could tell me what year and where you said this quote:

    “Death is comingβ€”but hopefully not before old age, decrepitude, and senility.”

    Thank you!

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  21. Sir, You are awesome! Your quotes are hillarious, would love to read more nd more books of yours. You’re seriously my idol. πŸ™‚

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      1. sir kindly tell me your email. Cause whenever i try to send you a mail it says invalid id. It would be really helpful. πŸ™‚

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  22. Hey, your quotes are fun so i got your book the Mandrake Hotel and enjoying it. Unlike other readers who reviewed it, I could stop it while reading it, just to send you this message.

    I have backgrounds in design and I have some ideas about your book cover; in return, I would like to get your books.

    Feel free to let me know if this intrigues you.

    Like

    1. Thanks, Soy! Send me a cover design to jarodkintz@yahoo.com and I’ll see if I’ll use it. I’d give you credit for the cover if I do use it.

      As for my books, I could send you some, but aside from The Mandrake, they are literally all quotes. And all are already on Goodreads to read πŸ™‚

      Like

  23. Jarod, I’m authoring a relationship book and would like to get your permission to include a quote of you. Could you please provide me with an email address to send you an excerpt of the chapter? The quote is as follows:

    “I just realized my lips are inside out. They should be turned inwards, because I spend most of my time talking to myself.”

    Best wishes from Switzerland, Fanny

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  24. I found you by google “deaing with rejection” (incognito search of course!!) as I am enduring a self inflicted stab wound to the heart as my near four year relationship has come to a needed but unwelcome halt. That I can say “self inflicted” versus “what that ass clown put me through” is major progress on it’s own!! I’ve been reading your material for the past two hours; laughing, crying (sometimes at the same time) and have found my level of anxiety, anger, helplessness, etc subside. I love your perspective, especially use of metaphors and humanizing your cat.:) Today, you have given permission to fail my way to success(personal and professional) without guilt, fear or remorse. Thank you πŸ™‚

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  25. Hi!
    I liked your Quotes. I was looking for something on naughtiness. Can i have your email id πŸ˜‰ Hope, i can get some other interesting quotes over the mails. πŸ˜€ Well, i do prefer to read something Romantic, so usually i used to read Mills & Boons. Now, i will go for your books to read something different. πŸ™‚ Well, will wait for your response over the mail. Till then, keep writing. ❀

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  26. Everything that you type tastes delicious. I use your quotes in everyday life and you are a perfect little point for inspiration.
    Thank you, thank you and thrice thank you.
    From your biggest (metaphorically) groupie.

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      1. No, no, no. The pleasure was all mine.
        The way you think is truly outstanding. I want to buy you dinner and get you drunk and snog your face off.

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      2. haha I have to confess, when you said you wanted to snog me, I had to Google snog. Now that I am in the know, how can I say no?

        So are your eyes really that amazing shade of green?

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      3. I’m committed to the English language. I throw in a ‘gosh!’ daily, and love snogs and bonks.
        My eyes are green – I may have slightly exaggerated that fact for my profile picture..

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  27. Writer – entirely not good enough to be classed as that!
    But Goodreads is where I found you, about a year ago. I had no idea you had a website. Damn you for not making that clear.
    Time for me to get under the covers. I shall commence Project Stalk Jarod tomorrow. J πŸ™‚

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  28. My love for you is so strong it inspires procrastination. No work shall be done today, tomorrow…and depending on my reading speed…maybe even day after….everything will stand still until I have consumed all your writing…. or at least the books I can find in print because it is too expensive to eat kindles

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  29. Jarod,
    Some empty headed animal food trough wiper, anonymously sent the following to my website just-one-liners.com.

    “I vehemently object to jarod kintz being in your quotes- he has no place in the pantheon of excellence otherwise displayed by your excellent choice of quotes.
    Unbelievable, what a stupid pointless hackneyed idiot…a 3rd grader could do better…”

    I think it is despicable how some people hide behind the cloak of anonymity. Thank goodness I had public comments turned off. Just want you to know that I enjoy your work and hope to add more. Keep it up.
    Jon

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    1. Jon! I just checked out your site. Very cool. I am honored to be among all those amazing writers. As to that anonymous and spiteful comment, eh, it happens. haha I can’t please everybody. Thanks for your encouragement. I greatly appreciate it πŸ™‚

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      1. Hey, you’re kidding! I only posted here because I was SURE it was you who wrote it! Oh, well. Love your site. We have a similar sense of humor, I think, but you express it much better. See ya.

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  30. I came across you when I was looking for quotes on confusion and starting reading about your quotes on Love. I looked up your page on Facebook and see my brother is already liked the page. Oh hell yeah what a coincidence well I don’t believe in coincidence anymore

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  31. “I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick.”

    I laughed till my sides hurt when I read this one!!

    Seriously, do you do this ??

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  32. Hey Jarod! I was looking for a quote on sailing for a school project, and suddenly one of yours pops out. Is the one on King Juan Carlos. And it made me laugh. A Lot πŸ™‚ I’m Spanish, and well I really liked that quote (is not that I hate the king or whatever although I would prefer another political sistem) but I’m curious: why did you write that quote? Did it just occur to you? Or what?

    Anyway, I’ve been reading some of you quotes and I have had a great time. I’ll probably ask my parents to get me your book for my birthday.

    Congrats

    Like

    1. Hi Marina!

      Glad you found my quotes! haha that particular one came from a book I wrote in 2006. I remember writing it, and I knew I wanted to mention a king, because of the king bed, and it was either yours or England’s. And I just thought it would be funnier to be Juan Carlos πŸ™‚

      Like

  33. I found your stuff on Goodreads and it makes me smile. I think I think like you, but I don’t have an English degree, or any degree for that matter and I specialize in run on sentences. I’m not a fan of your ‘clone’ thoughts, but my clone is. You did inspire me to come up with this ‘love’ thought:
    “You know a woman REALLY loves you when they offer to pluck a few hairs from your ears or shoulders. Not the crazy inch long ones, but those they noticed looking closely at you while you slept, as they were thinking about how to kill you.”
    I think I have a man crush on you. I love your humor, have an awesome day sir.

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  34. I guess i’m taking the time to write this message to you @ 3:53 AM ,knowing fully well there’s a 90% chance you would not read it ;is because I know the value of words and yours seem priceless to me .There are very few books that I would like to own in real life.All of yours are on my list ,Oh such Irony πŸ˜› !! People don’t appreciate enough ,so here’s to you for being you in such a way that you became me .Cheers
    With Love
    Annie

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  35. I love love love your work. I stumbled across it while I was looking for pizza quotes. Weird. Haha. Anyway, you are awesome and I cannot believe more people dont know about you. I like you on facebook and followed you on twitter. Tell me you have an instagram?

    Like

  36. Hello, I have just come across some quotes of your text from “this book is not for sale” and i am very interested in it. I read some senteces and you are really amazing. I like writing too and I feel that your style gives me inspiration. How can i get it or is there any way to..?

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  37. Hi, I need some attractive good different words for my brand name , As I am designing a logo with door of yellow color , I need to give a name to this brand, Can you Suggest words representing door or place of entrance , Word will represent a brand name of Designs and interiors.
    I hope you understand my concern. Below are some lines but I needing a word with deep meaning consisting below. As I found you have spoken a lot about doors I hope you can help me 

    Each door tells stories
    Step inside to design World…
    About the truth of the people behind doors

    Thanks
    Saira Bano

    Like

      1. It can be two words from old English or some relevant words, not specifically door it can be entrance way , Architectural way , or design Entrance .. i am hoping creative answer πŸ™‚ Thanks

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  38. I read your comment about Luther, the Reformation, & essentially referring to Poles as being too stupid operate a hammer.

    The irony is that at that time in history, Poland was very much an open society with regards to religious beliefs & thus escaped the Reformation Wars that plagued the rest of Europe. The Unitarian Church for example, owes much of it’s existence to Polish noblemen, who proliferated this very open religion.

    Poland was home to 90% of Europe’s Jewry, and were able to practice their religion without interference, thus the Jewish word for heaven Polin, became synonymous with Poland.

    As a talented young man, I think you should understand, that an ethnic group that survived as a national entity for over 1,000 years is not comprised of stupid people. Considering Poland’s location between Russia & Germany, two aggressive nations.

    Sincerely,

    Jack Jackowski

    Like

  39. Hey Jarod,

    I am writing a dissertation and want to use one of your quotes. The problem is I have not been able to locate the origin of the quote (i.e. book information and page number.) The quote is “Nothing, everything, anything, something If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something.” If you approve, would you be able to provide me with missing information? Thank you so much and have a great, awesome day!!

    Kindly,

    Laura

    Like

    1. Hi Laura!

      haha you might not like the details because the book title alone is this:

      This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me and Dora J. Arod, who sometimes shares my pen, paper, thoughts, mind, body, and soul, because Dora J. Arod is my pseudonym, as he/it incorporates both my first and middle name, and is also a palindrome that can be read forwards or backwards no matter if you are an upright man in the eyes of God or you are upside down in a tank of water wearing purple goggles and grape jelly discussing how best to spread your time between your work, your wife, and the toasted bread being eaten by the man you are talking to who goes by the name of Dendrite McDowell, who is only wearing a towel on his head and has an hourglass obscuring his β€œtime machine”–or the thing that he says can keep him young forever by producing young versions of himself the way I avert disaster in that I ramble and bumble like a bee until I pollinate my way through flowery situations that might otherwise have ended up being more than less than, but not equal to two short parallel lines stacked on top of each other that mathematicians use to balance equations like a tightrope walker running on a wire stretched between two white stretched limos parked on a long cloud that looks like Salt Lake City minus the sodium and Mormons, but with a dash of pepper and Protestants, who may or may not be spiritual descendents of Mr. Maynot, who didn’t come over to America in the Mayflower, but only because he was β€œToo lazy to get off the sofa,” and therefore impacted this continent centuries before the first television was ever thrown out of a speeding vehicle at a man who looked exactly like my great-grandfather, who happens to look exactly like the clone science has yet to allow me to create

      Kindle Edition
      first published July 12th 2010
      Page 31

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      1. Thanks, Jarod!! You are officially part of my dissertation and the long book title only makes my dissertation look much longer than it is!! Awesome!!

        Warmest Regards,

        Laura

        Like

  40. I just discovered you today and I was blown away by your writing. I went to look up your books on Amazon without luck. Are you looking for a publisher?

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      1. I don’t work for a publishing company. My son is a stand up comedian with Asperger’s and had just been asked by a publishing company to write a chapter for a book they are doing. I also have a couple of other connections. Please contact me through our website if you would like me to try and help. I’m not interested in personal gain, I just believe your work is too damn good to not be known. πŸ™‚
        http://www.aspiecomic.com
        I hope to hear from you.
        Cheers,
        Susan

        Like

  41. I am using your quotation “Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything,because you have the freedom to do anything,without the fear of losing something.” What exactly does it mean? Are there claims or themes (words) that I can draw from it. Things that I can relate to personally such as freedom, wisdom, desire, truth. Things such as the world like the real value of possessions???? HELP ME UNDERSTAND !
    By the way, I am a huge fan of all your quotes and I have read a ton of them over the last week.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. Just stopping in to say hey, and thanks for making me laugh when I need it most. I’ve been a follower of yours for years and I’m constantly reminded why. πŸ™‚

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  43. I stumbled your quotes in goodreads. And it is humorous and fantastic. I would love to read your book, unfortunately Bhutan doesn’t own one. Hope to get it some day. Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Good morning, Mr. Kintz!
    I absolutely love your quotes–perfect for so many life situations.
    I looked for an e-mail address, so forgive me for posting this here.
    What are your permissions rules for using your quotes? I’m writing a book and one of the chapters is titled, “Always Awkward and Directionally Challenged” – your quote about broken compasses and misdirection would be perfect!! I would love to quote you, and give you credit (obviously)…but I’m such a newbie to publishing, and don’t know the rules.
    How’s that for a hello, right?
    Either way, I’m so glad to have found your work. Best wishes!
    Michelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Michelle!
      I am glad you found me! Feel free to use any quote of mine you want. I guess there are rules for quoting if it’s an academic paper, but I was never a fan of all that. You know, page number, year of publication, whatever. Just the quote and who said it is good enough for a book. If you do that for anything you quote, no reader will be upset, and the author you are quoting will be thrilled to be thought of and to be thought perfect for inclusion in your work. It is exciting to be publishing a book, so congrats on that! It is a tremendous undertaking, and I am stoked you reached out to me πŸ™‚
      ~Jarod

      Liked by 1 person

      1. WOW! Thank you, Jarod!
        You are so kind and accommodating. I’ll definitely credit you as indicated…and fingers crossed…I’ll send you the finished product when it’s complete.
        I’ll be back to visit frequently – love your site and your inspiration!
        Michelle

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That makes me smile, Michelle πŸ™‚ I am excited to see your book. It is a thrill to put out a book, and a tremendous accomplishment, so you should feel very proud. Such a good feeling! Keep up the great work, and do let me know when it is finished. I’ll leave a review on Amazon for you πŸ™‚

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  45. Alas, The Universe pointed vaguely with a grin on its face and a fragrance that names itself like the word serendipity. I was laughing at your review: https://www.amazon.com/Write-like-no-one-reading-ebook/dp/B00S5NS1ZK : and I clicked on the name only to find more great things to read and enjoy. I ended up on yr website and found that you are a fellow brother from Florida. I’m an English major at the University of Florida and I was born and raised in FL with all the stereotypical flaws to prove it. I’ve met a few local poets/writers and have very loose ties within the local writing community–which is why I’m here. I’m always interested in becoming a better writer and always enjoy any correspondence for any length that it may last. Anyway despite the commonly narrow notion that anyone who says something good and who happens to be from where oneself is from means that they owe you something, in the form of friendship, favors or excessive courtesy, I seek out others who have a keen sense of humor that resonates with my own.
    Cheers,

    Like

    1. Hey Pete! Glad you found me and reached out. I am always interested in connecting with a fellow writerβ€”and especially one from the University of Florida, that four-year school that lasted eight years for me, nine of which are too foggy for me to remember. Are you on Twitter? If so, find me on there @JarodKintz1

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    1. I meant a few things with that particular thought. But that’s the fun of writingβ€”and reading. Everything means something different to every person. If you find meaning that I didn’t intend, or you see it differently than I do, then that is value added. In this case there is no one definitive meaning, and what I meant when I wrote it might not be how I interpreted it today as I just read it again. But both meanings have value, and in fact today I saw two different things, so those three form a table that holds up my understanding about life.

      Like

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