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Author: jarodkintz1

A lot of people want to know about Jarod Kintz. Most of these people just want to know where they can find him so they can get their money back, but there are a few people who really want to know more about him, other than what they can decipher through his writings. Well, here are a few facts about Jarod for all you curious people out there. -Jarod often finds himself in a quandary over the meaning of life. Sometimes, like after he saw a pack of porcupines get run over by a truck, he feels the pointlessness of it all, and wonders how God could let such a thing happen to a new set of tires. -Jarod likes spending his weekends making cardboard houses for homeless people to live in, although he just hates asking to borrow their living rooms when he needs to move some stuff. -Jarod likes to credit all his success to a statement one of his early college professors, Dr. Franzenboebowitz, who said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you’re still a retard.” -After reading “The Art of War” by both Machiavelli and Sun Tzu, Jarod was heard saying, “I think both authors are so serious, and they could have greatly benefited from the use of my Binary Anal Defibrillator.” Consequently, he also feels this way about Nietzsche, Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, and Allen Ginsberg (though for much different reasons). -Jarod divides his time evenly between an abacus and one of those clever early 90s calculator watches. -Jarod once wrote a screenplay that ended with the main character crying in the rain screaming, “Curdled Milk!” Jarod figured that that was the ideal way to end a movie, because that way nobody could spoil the ending, since it had already gone bad anyway. -Jarod is excited that you have read this far, and would be greatly honored if you would follow the following link to Amazon.com to check out some more of his Random Thoughts for only .99 cents

I used to sell chairs, until one day a customer told me that they weren’t dancing equipment. Turns out dancing doesn’t involve sitting in silence alone, and I’d been doing it wrong for years.

2022/08/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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FREEDOM isn’t something you earn by VOTING. The real power is controlled by The Central Bankers, and they continue to wage war on The People, while The People get increasingly poorer without ever questioning the root cause.

2022/08/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Pickleball is rising in popularity, and may soon be America’s favorite sport. But come on, nothing will ever replace making fun of Boomers.

2022/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Well, what are you waiting for? Grab a shovel and start digging your way out of the hole you’ve worked yourself into.

2022/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you like java, furniture, and literature, then you’ll love coffee table books. Why don’t you try mine? It comes with FREE refills.

2022/07/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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VOTERS think their rights come from The Constitution, but I know that my FREEDOM comes from God. VOTERS worship a piece of paper that’s already been shredded and burned.

2022/06/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The secret ingredient that makes duck soup tasty is swimming. That’s what gives it that fresh flavor.

2022/06/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Sometimes my kitchen sink doubles as a duck pond. Problem is, I can’t exactly move my diving board, so I have to relocate Greg Louganis Hour to another slot, like one on the toaster.

2022/06/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A mutual fund manager will charge you 1.5% for the service of losing all your wealth. That’s foolish, because if your strategy is to lose all your money, I’ll do it for you for ONLY 1.49%.

2022/06/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The only basketball player I’ve ever liked is Larry Bird. To me, the only way Larry Bird could be better is if he were Larry Duck.

2022/06/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My Twitter

  • Play your saxophone like a quacking duck, @Nuclear_Circus. An electric guitar full of lightning doesn't even have that energy. 2 days ago
  • You have been culturally enriched twitter.com/FightHaven/sta… 2 days ago
  • RT @HappinessDhaba: “I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?” — @JarodKintz1 ,… 5 days ago
  • Growing up in Mandarin in the 90s, I hung out at The Avenues Mall. Used to go all the time with my friends to check… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 5 days ago
  • This is terrific twitter.com/PassagePress/s… 6 days ago

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Recent Posts

  • Here’s an idea: You blame me and I’ll blame you. Then we can both join Howard Jones in singing, “No one is to blame.”
  • Everyone is getting crazier. And poorer. Which is making everyone even crazier.
  • I once wrote a 100,000-word book. But don’t worry, I managed to edit it down to just over one million words.
  • A hundred dollars used to have value. Now it has grown fat and worthless. Or has it grown so skinny as to be useless?
  • If I were the world’s richest man, I’d present myself as the world’s poorest, because I’d want people to want me for me. In fact, I’m so poor I want to be Guinness verified as The World’s Poorest—and I’m even willing to pay for the title (a bribe).
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