You never learn more about customer service than you do when you’re in the trenches of a Great War.
There I was, in WWI, being attacked on all sides by the Vietnamese jungle, when I found myself out of Adult Diapers.
With my Portable Vending Machine out of commission, due to its wheelbarrow’s tire having been shot off by IRS agents, I was in desperate need of assistance.
That’s when I saw him. He floated down from the clouds like a bronzed statue of Beyonce, wearing golden roller skates and a nametag that said, “Kevin.”
I noticed Kevin was carrying a scroll, and without reading it I knew its contents. This was The Lost Secrets of Customer Service, rumored to have burnt up with the Library of Alexandria.
That’s when a #TruthBomb exploded next to me, leaving me disoriented and discombobulated.
As if by osmosis, I was absorbing all The Archaic Wisdom of The Sages Throughout The Ages.
I felt empowered, as if I could hop directly from being a fry cook at McDonald’s all the way up to cashier, maybe even surpassing the friendliness and performance of The Kiosks, who make great friends, but poor co-workers, both because they stole all the glory that should have been mine and because they don’t get paid for the work that they do.
No longer would Dennis, my 16-year-old boss, treat me like I was some sort of needy infant, always demanding money in exchange for labor. Now Dennis would see my True Value, and would reward me accordingly. Soon I’d be richer than Solomon, and wiser too, armed with the knowledge obtained in this book.
I’m rating this book five stars, because Amazon caps the limit. But if I could, I’d rate it like Abraham’s seed, as it deserves to accumulate all the stars of heaven. This is a book for all generations, and the best time to buy it is yesterday. But you can’t, so I suppose RIGHT NOW is the silver medalist of perfect times to buy.
Published by jarodkintz1
A lot of people want to know about Jarod Kintz. Most of these people just want to know where they can find him so they can get their money back, but there are a few people who really want to know more about him, other than what they can decipher through his writings. Well, here are a few facts about Jarod for all you curious people out there.
-Jarod often finds himself in a quandary over the meaning of life. Sometimes, like after he saw a pack of porcupines get run over by a truck, he feels the pointlessness of it all, and wonders how God could let such a thing happen to a new set of tires.
-Jarod likes spending his weekends making cardboard houses for homeless people to live in, although he just hates asking to borrow their living rooms when he needs to move some stuff.
-Jarod likes to credit all his success to a statement one of his early college professors, Dr. Franzenboebowitz, who said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you’re still a retard.”
-After reading “The Art of War” by both Machiavelli and Sun Tzu, Jarod was heard saying, “I think both authors are so serious, and they could have greatly benefited from the use of my Binary Anal Defibrillator.” Consequently, he also feels this way about Nietzsche, Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, and Allen Ginsberg (though for much different reasons).
-Jarod divides his time evenly between an abacus and one of those clever early 90s calculator watches.
-Jarod once wrote a screenplay that ended with the main character crying in the rain screaming, “Curdled Milk!” Jarod figured that that was the ideal way to end a movie, because that way nobody could spoil the ending, since it had already gone bad anyway.
-Jarod is excited that you have read this far, and would be greatly honored if you would follow the following link to Amazon.com to check out some more of his Random Thoughts for only .99 cents
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