I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am.
-Jarod Kintz

Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called.
-Jarod Kintz

If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.
-Jarod Kintz

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don’t want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That’s why I’m constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.
-Jarod Kintz

I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it’s relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?
-Jarod Kintz

She didn’t say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse “I love you” with “May I take your order?”
-Jarod Kintz

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.
-Jarod Kintz

I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.
-Jarod Kintz

I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship. And while they are looking down on it in astonishment, I’ll bunch up my knuckles and punch them in the face.
-Jarod Kintz

If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.
-Jarod Kintz